Lately I've been sucked into this world, where I don't even know who I am anymore because I feel like my life is constantly on repeat. Wake up, take care of children, naps, clean, laundry, take care of children, cook dinner, clean, bed and repeat. I'm not sure I enjoy it anymore, I can't even seem to realize that I'm in pain or hurting or even depressed.
I'm just this robot.
Worrying.
Thinking.
Cleaning.
Changing.
Smiling.
Laughing.
Cooking.
Sleeping.
When will it end? I'm trying. I am.
Up 3/4 of the night with anxiety, not depression, anxiety. What could I be doing? I should've cleaned the living room, I should've cleaned the dishes, I should've cleaned this or that. I can't think, it's overwhelming.
"The heart wants what it wants."Fairytale, no happy ending. No wind in our sails.
But I can't imagine a life without, breathless moments breaking me down.
Why can't I think...
Why can't I just cry...
Why can't I just be me...
I seem to constantly fighting myself, with failures and anxiety with helplessness. Not depression, because I'm not physically, emotionally, mentally sad. I'm stuck. I'm stuck in a world of constant repeat, that needs a different pattern.
God please let that pattern be soon... I need a kick in the ass.
