Far Away

Today, society and cliques will tell you who you can limit yourself to be;
weather you're insecure, fat, and pathetic: you run in the loser clique.
if you're skinny, hot, and really friendly: you're either a slut, super popular, or a whore.
Now if you're in love with gaming, trading cards, and video games: You run in the nerd.
If you fall in love easily, clingy, and with a guy every week: You're a whore.
If you're this or if you're that you're always put in a group, like jocks, losers, gamers, those who run the school, whores, basically just like the movie mean girls. What that movie doesn't really express of how much that hurts, it does at the beginning but c'mon. Who ends up being the plastic of the school? uh not really anyone.
    Then there's me. A small city girl who's been judged, and cliqued into a group that isn't her own. I've grown up to different standards, different tempers, and different rules. We may have gone to the same school, and grew up basically with each other but that doesn't mean you know me or how I've been raised. My home life isn't what you call.. great. It sucks, but ever since my boyfriend moved in, it's been great. I've gotten respected by two people instead of one. I've been stronger to defend the ones I love, then when I was..always beaten down by words, always critized for who I wasn't. Yeah, I tried looking like all those girls, I've tried acting like them.. and honestly, it's kinda rubbed off since I tried so long to fit in. I was told it's a person's duty to stand out, well boy did I stand out. I was picked on every time I stepped onto that bus, bus 79 or 81 always picked on. I got called names like: Manface, Mangirl, chewbakca(spelling?), and even loser; I got things thrown at me, and when I said something.. the names start up again. It's my little shell, I've always protected myself in, I've always ran back home, ran and hid under a blanket and cried, went into a girls stall and cried. Honestly, I couldn't help but be diagnosed with depression, and suicidal (My own diagnosis). I grew up in a unhealthy environment, my dad always told me I was doing wrong, my brother always bringing me down, and my mom being the one I went to with all my problems, but never really helped. My cousin's always popping out babies, and my grandma always getting cranky, but what can you do?
    School was never and I mean never easy for me. That's why I dreaded high school the most. Living in a society like our generation has, worries me about how the generation after us is, or the generation after that. Our world is turning it's back and becoming terrible, and I was a victim of that sorts. I went to high school for my FRESHMAN year and boy was it tough, being a newbie in the halls, being a stranger to teachers, and specially looking up those seniors ruling the halls. It was tough, especially when you have NO IDEA who to associate with. I sticked with a couple of my Middle school - Elementary friends, but really.. no one stays friends forever.. I had new friends coming in, and old ones fading out. I couldn't control my power, I was popular for a short time, until I couldn't take it and just left the scene. I wanted to be myself. My little gamer, obsessively in love, band geeked, theater geeked, and obnoxiously annoying self, and maybe I'd get someone and some friends who accept me for who I really am. And I did. I got a senior my freshman year, and obviously I couldn't handle it myself. I can't live up to someone who has 4x the standards I had as a freshman. Sophomore year rolls around and I'm not as new, and it was hell. Struggling in school, struggling keeping friends and relationships up. Junior year, single and just ready to escape. Grades.. iffy. and then I met my boyfriend from 7th grade, what a catch he is. I'd see him from time to time and just kid around and joke, always yelling "I'm mad at you, you're smoking that's why" really... I smoked myself I forgot about it maybe a couple minutes later. He.. he has a temper, that boy does. I haven't quite worked my way around his big temper, but I have concluded space. I have understood that I don't need to nosey around someone's life 24/7. I'm a jealous, over emotional, obnoxious, annoying girlfriend, but I can be that sweet, dorky, gamer girlfriend. 
    High school, society, and our world is changing to make people think that they have to be something they're not to fit in, and that school isn't the way to succeed. Really it isn't, but it all depends on the career! If you wanna be a hip hop artist, heck drop out. If you want to be lawyer or even a person who wants to find a cure for cancer? You need school. Some do it because they have nothing better to do. Just stick with who you are, stick with what you know, now with what others think. It sucks, trust me.. I know.

-Andrea